Self Love

Written By: Heather
Heather Kempton Coquitlam Couples Counsellor

Stop all Criticism

Criticism and judgment places limits upon yourself and prevents you from living a life full of happiness. When you criticize or judge yourself and others you take on a negative mindset, energy and emotional state. This will keep you from experiencing self love, acceptance, and worth, affecting how you engage in self care and interact in relationships.

Stop all Comparison

Comparing yourself to photo enhanced images or any other person drains your ability to love yourself in its entirety. It creates a negative mindset where you continue to internalize the message “I am not good enough”. You may not be aware of how you judge others in order to make yourself feel better for a fleeting moment. By comparing yourself to someone you wish you were more like you are reconfirming negative thoughts and taking away positive feelings. Stopping all criticism and judgment creates a place for self acceptance to foster and relationships to grow.

Nurture Your Mind and Body

Self hatred is only hating your own thoughts. By changing your perception of self and others you will create opportunities to love and respect the thoughts you choose, ultimately impacting how you treat your body. Practice speaking to yourself using kind words on a daily basis, releasing old negative thoughts and patterns. It is essential to identify what your body needs in order to gain optimal energy and vitality. Learn about how nutrition and exercise can enhance your life and not become a vehicle for self harm.

Stop People Pleasing – Learn to Say No

You may have developed a negative pattern of saying “yes” in order to avoid confrontation, to please others, or receive positive recognition. Every time you say “yes” to someone or something in order to fulfill this need you risk losing your sense of self. This is a hard pattern to break as when you begin saying “no” to people who are use to being told “yes” you may receive a negative reaction creating feelings of self doubt and guilt. Often when people are told “no” they experience feelings of rejection and may lash out, become passive aggressive or even disengage. By doing this you will teach others how to treat you, identify your priorities, learn about your relationships, and become who you want to be.

Compliment Yourself

By speaking kindly to yourself on a daily basis you begin to build self love and acceptance. You may not believe the words you are speaking to begin with but by changing your negative self talk to positive you will create new feelings and behaviours. It is helpful to create a list of positive affirmations to say while looking in the mirror, or listen to on an audiotape in order to enhance internalizing positive thoughts about yourself.

Forgive Yourself

We have all made choices that we regret or we would have done differently given the chance to do it all over again. Living in the past with feelings of guilt and self hatred will keep you stuck in a negative mindset, draining your personal happiness and negatively impacting your relationships. Make the choice to focus on how you want to treat yourself and others in this very moment today. Focus on your accomplishments and what you are proud of.

Don’t Scare Yourself

Stop terrorizing yourself with negative thoughts of self and others. The more time you spend thinking negatively the more you rob yourself from experiencing happiness. Begin now by treating yourself with kindness and respect. Focus on your self care and identify what it is you need to feel a sense of purpose, belonging and passion.

Surround Yourself with Positivity

You may have heard the saying “you become who you surround yourself with”. If you struggle with addiction or an eating disorder for instance, spending your time in isolation or among people that are engaging in self defeating behavior you will also find yourself trapped within this negative cycle of self harm. It is essential to build a positive support network where you are accepted for being you and the focus remains on creating an environment that promotes self care and love. Once you have created a positive, supportive environment, learn how to reach out and accept support, as you do not have to do it all on your own. Think of the people who you choose to surround yourself with. Do they feel supportive, enhancing your positive energy, or do they drain you, preventing you from feeling accepted and loved?

Discover Your Purpose

When you live with an addiction and/or eating disorder your passions and dreams fade away and you lose your sense of self. When you start to treat yourself with love and respect you will begin to feel meaningful and alive. You may be at a loss for identifying your passions, dreams and perhaps even knowing who you are. By letting go of negative self talk and others influences you open up an opportunity to discover your own passions. By connecting your sense of self with love and compassion, you are making a conscious choice to live, instead of simply surviving. Find self love and you will start really living a life full of passion, purpose, and happiness.

Self Love Mediation by Louise Hay

“I treat myself as if I am someone who is deeply loved. All kinds of events come and go; yet, through it all, my love for myself is constant. This is not being vain or conceited. People who are vain or conceited have a lot of self-hatred covered over by a layer of ‘I’m better than you’. Self-love is simply appreciating the miracle of my own being. When I really love myself, I cannot hurt myself, and I cannot hurt another person. To me, the answer to world peace is unconditional love. It begins with self-acceptance and self-love. I no longer wait to be perfect in order to love myself. I accept myself exactly as I am, right here and now”.

Self Compassion

Not judging yourself, not comparing yourself, not blaming yourself, getting to know and accepting yourself, forgiving yourself, loving yourself, helping yourself overcome insecurities, respecting yourself and protecting yourself.