Affairs & Betrayal

Affairs and betrayal are unfortunately common place for many relationships. Heather Kempton is a counsellor at Optimal Life in Coquitlam works with individuals that are looking to recover from infidelity that has occurred within their relationship. Whether it be once the relationship has dissolved or while you still remain in the relationship together, Heather will help you to identify what you need in order to heal from this experience as well as, to identify healthy choices to engage in on moving forward.

An affair does not necessarily foretell the end of a relationship, but how do you decide if you should remain committed to the relationship or leave?

• Is this an isolated event or pattern of behaviour?
• Does your partner own their behaviour or make excuses for it?
• Does your partner have insight on how this has impacted you or are they oblivious?
• Is your partner apologetic and truly sorry for their choice or are they sorrier they got caught?
• Is your partner willing to acknowledge what behaviour you feel is unacceptable and make changes or are they in denial?
• Is this behaviour out of character or is this typical behaviour that has occurred within the relationship?
• Are you able to forgive your partner for what they have done or will you forever hold them hostage?

Most importantly you need to ask yourself if you reinvest in this relationship and allow yourself to trust, to find out your partner engages in infidelity again, do you have the depth and strength to recover from it, or would you be emotionally bankrupt?

This final question is typically referred to as a deal breaker, in that if you have the courage to recover then you can move forward in your relationship with optimism working towards establishing healthy change within the relationship.

It also becomes imperative in identifying what defines infidelity within the relationship, what patterns of behaviour within the relationship that have contributed to infidelity occurring and determining what each individual wants to do moving forward to acknowledge and change what has not been working within the relationship up to now.