Lost Identity in Motherhood

Written By: Heather
Heather Kempton Coquitlam Couples Counsellor

In becoming a mother one can begin to lose sight of who they were before giving birth and how to integrate that person now that they have someone depending on them for their every need. How does one concentrate on their self care while all of their energy has been prioritized to their child or children? Not to mention all of one’s other responsibilities that one naturally takes on such as maintaining a clean house, cooking, employment, connecting with one’s partner, family and friends, while trying to fit in physical exercise and personal hobbies. Stress can begin to pile up as one becomes out of balance leading to feelings of frustration, irritability, anger, sadness, and stress.

This identity disconnect is at the root of an increase in conflict, dissatisfaction and failure to communicate in our relationships with our partners, children, family, friends, and self. It is important to bring awareness to how our communication style through body language, voice tone, choice of words etc. can be impacted by our emotions and perspectives thus, creating times when we may come across as unhappy, angry, frustrated, and irrational to the ones we love. At times our partners, family and friends may not know how to respond to these emotional outbursts and breakdown in communication. It therefore, becomes important to take a moment to ask yourself:

Does my life feel balanced?

Am I living my life to its fullest?

How does my communication style affect my relationships?

How do I feel on a daily basis?

Do I practice self care?

Is there a disconnect in my personal relationships?

Who am I without my child/children?

As a mother it is natural to experience so many changes on a psychological, physiological, sociological, and emotional level. It is throughout these changes that one needs to become aware of how it is impacting one’s ability to maintain self care, one’s quality of life, and one’s relationships. With the breakdown or absentees of these one risks the onset of depression, anxiety, isolation, increased stress, communication breakdown, as well as negative physiological symptoms (sleeping, eating, headaches, muscle aches etc.).

If this sounds familiar and you want to make a change give me a call or send me an email to see how I can help reconnect you to your self and others.