Creating Purposeful Goals

Written By: Heather
Heather Kempton Coquitlam Couples Counsellor

You can deepen your sense of self through learning how to strengthen your connection in working towards purposeful goals. When your goals lack connection and passion you can feel burdened, heavy, and trapped. Constantly seeking and never feeling satisfied as you are driven to achieve more. This may play out through over scheduling and doing everything for others, or feeling paralyzed, avoiding any self-care or exploration. Overall, unexamined goals will prevent you from living a life you love.

Here are five signs your goals need more connection to your sense of self (goals adapted by Gemma Stone)

Your satisfaction is dependent on the outcome

If you’re focused on the end result and hating the process, your ego is running the show. If you are unhappily starving yourself to drop ten pounds, anxiously checking Facebook to see how many likes your post got, or working yourself into burnout to put away seven figures it’s time for your ego to take a back seat.

You’re dishonouring yourself in the process of achieving your goals

Agreeing to commitments that feel gross just to get the promotion. Signing up for a diet program that destroys  your metabolism in order to achieve an unrealistic body type. Critically comparing yourself to others in order to push yourself to achieve more in hope that you will feel “good enough”. If you are mentally, emotionally, spiritually or physically causing harm to yourself in order to achieve your goals, it’s time to take a deeper look.

You’re sacrificing what matters

I am constantly asking myself am I sacrificing what matters? My work is full of passion and purposeful, yet at times I wonder am I sacrificing what matters? My son is three and my daughter is one and I know my time with them is precious and fleeting. I schedule my work around my husband so that I do not have to utilize childcare and I can maximize my time with them. Before I take on new commitments, I ask myself what deeply matters? I allow this question to guide my sacred yes and honouring no. I don’t always get it right, but I keep asking the question.

You’re seeking approval from others

If you’re hoping your friends will like you more, your husband will be more affectionate, your boss will validate your worth, or your parents will be proud once you’ve achieved your goal you’re handing your power over to another. You’re setting yourself up for disappointment, resentment, and powerlessness.

Your life feels like a prison

If you’ve been setting illogical goals for long enough your life will begin to feel like a prison. The good news? You hold the key. Answer the following questions:

What makes you feel alive on a daily basis? Align your goals with it.

What brings you peace? Infuse it into your plans.

What opens your heart? Add a generous dash of it into your daily life.

When you get to the end of your life, what will make you feel proud of how you spent your time on earth? Make it your priority.

Let your life be guided by your true self. Infuse your goals with your passion. 
Live a life you love. If you feel this speaks to you and would like to explore these thoughts further please feel free to contact me, as I am here to help you to achieve your optimal life.


Heather Kempton, MA, RCC, Life Coach